dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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