I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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