I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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