If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
