Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
