Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
