I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
