The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
