So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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