I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
