remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
