Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
