Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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