well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
