Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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