But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's rum buckets o'clock
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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