Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
