i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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