Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just high enough for therapy.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
