I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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