come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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