like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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