she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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