...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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