I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize