Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
