I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
