Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Someone shattered a urinal.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
