Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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