Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
