There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
