Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Drunk is a universal language darling
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
