You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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