she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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