i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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