therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
