Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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