How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
