Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
