Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
