We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
