I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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