jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We need to get me chipped asap
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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