Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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