the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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