I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
