Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you win again, gameday.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
