oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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