My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's not a walk of shame if you run
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
