not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
