Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
