I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
