When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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