I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
