So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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