There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
