There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
