We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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