i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I look better un-naked...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
