He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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