Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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