too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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