she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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