I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
