he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he was CRYING into my vagina
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
