Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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