dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
do herpes really smell.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
