i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
