I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
